walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
