I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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