come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
