I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
