I heard we made out
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
pray to the hookup gods
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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