1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You smell like a Billy Joel song
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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