and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
