I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
