It's like God shit irony all over that family
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
