i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
