I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
