He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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