Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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