Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
