Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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