this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
