Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
