Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
