belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
