I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
