i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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