You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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