Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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