Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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