If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
