my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
