She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
