I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
