I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
