My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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