He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
