I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
