a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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