I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
