Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
