sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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