i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
