Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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