Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
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