I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
