If i could tip my vagina, i would.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
