pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
