we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
