Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
