its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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