Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
