Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
