Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If that was your dad, he is hot
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize