covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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