Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
