I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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