What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
