Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
