Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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