eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
don't judge my taste in strippers
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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