Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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