He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
