Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
