I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
