Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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