I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
