'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
