I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
