Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
