Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
